Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

---For my mom and dad, Barry, and Sheila Fullmer (wherever you are).

It all started with the death of his father last August. For the next month or so Joey was able to immerse himself in his work until late September when the season ended. Then came the off season. With no distractions and no place he had to be every day, Joey fell into a deep depression. A depression that tormented him through the fall-winter and on into spring when he returned to work. For awhile, he was able to throw himself back into his job and keep those horrible feelings at bay. Then in May, he got sick. Just a simple upper respiratory and inner ear infection, but enough to keep him off the job. After the recovery from his physical illness, Joey tried to return to work. He found he couldn't make it through a single shift. He began feeling dizzy and short of breath. He was terrified. One night in San Diego, he thought he was dying and called 911. Finally, he asked for help.

This is the story of an athlete named Joey Votto. The very accomplished first baseman of the Cincinnati Reds. But it's not just his story, it's the story of a lot of people who suffer from anxiety and depression. You think your fine, then some event in your life turns you upside down and there you are. Fighting for your life.

I have some experience with this. Once in my early 20s, things got so bad for me that I ended up in the hospital. It's an awful feeling to wake up every day trembling, to lose your appetite, and maybe even your desire to go on. To know that you're weak and barely able to get through a day or go to work. Brutal that. So when Joey Votto went public with his struggle, it was nothing short of heroic.

You see, men aren't supposed to cry or show weakness. We're supposed to hold up our end and look good doing it. As bad as the stigma of depression is for the average Joe, what must it be like for someone in the macho world of professional athletics? To know that you are letting down your teammates and the ownership of your organization because you can't handle your feelings? Unacceptable on many levels. But Votto did it. He asked for the help and understanding of his team and just as importantly, faced the media and told the truth. In doing so, Votto has helped reduce the stigma of anxiety and depression. I don't think it's any accident that the starting shortstop of the Saint Louis Cardinals, Khalil Greene admitted to his own struggles shortly after Votto did.

There were some who questioned Votto's commitment prior to his revealing press conference. They wondered how the guy who came in second for the rookie of the year in 2008, who was off to an even better start in 2009, and was simply put, "paid to play baseball" could be derailed by emotional issues. This type of "old school" thinking is really "no school" thinking. There's a famous quote that states that "most men live lives of quiet desperation." There's a lot of truth in that statement. All that 50s style, strong silent type, John Wayne bullshit didn't leave any room for sensitivity in the "old" days. But I believe there's more room now because of people like Joey and others who, in their normal lives, confess their frailties.

So what happens to Joey now? That story is yet to be lived. I hope he finds a counselor as good as mine, I hope that his family is as supportive as my mom and dad were, I hope that he has a friend as good as the one who lived two doors down from me. A friend who did little things that weren't so little at all. Like making sure I ate, taking me to class, and getting me out of the house in general. I hope that he can continue to excel at his profession (full disclosure--I'm a big Reds fan). But mostly I hope he learns to deal with the loss of his dad and that he will continue to ask for help and not feel shame. I hear that even though he has a long way to go, that he's off to a good start. I know I'll be rooting for him. On the field and off.

Sumo-Pop
July 7, 2009